Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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