We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
