pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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