So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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