I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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