All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
