any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
