I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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