I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
