I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
