the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
