She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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