Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
