ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
