Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
