Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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