and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
