I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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