I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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