The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
