Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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