His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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