Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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