Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
