woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
