You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
