Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
