your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
