I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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