You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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