he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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