Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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