I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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