Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
