I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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