I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
