As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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