I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
