So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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