I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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