So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
