if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
