I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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