you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
