I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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