He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
