Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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