when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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