Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
