definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
