I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
