he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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