Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have fence marks all over my body
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
