He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
