your thong is hanging out like whoa
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
