There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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