there's paper in my vomit.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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