OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Come on in and take your pants off
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
