I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
