Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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