White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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