every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
