I haven't been this sober since birth.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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