just tell him i said nine months
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
