you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
