I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
