I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
