so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
