I hate your face
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
