Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
