I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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