I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
