I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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