i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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