So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
