Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hello my rib-scented angel!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
