I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
