I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
