Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
