is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
