worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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