So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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