I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.