I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.