there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
