Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.