Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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